Ways to become best working Parents to your kids

In this time of financial instability, both parents, the mom and dad are forced to work outside the house to meet family's needs. It is sometimes hard to be working and at the same time being a parent. Tere are  times that you seem to neglet the other and feel guilty about it. If mom has to go out of the house and work, she can still be the Mom she should be to her kids as long as she knows the secret.

Share time. This means you share your time with them an not just spend. Sharing means doing things that both benefits you and the kids. Baking during Sunday or Saturday is great. Cleaning the house or  helping them out in their homeworks are just example of time both of you and the kids could share together.

Remember that "Little time is better tahn none". If you can't spend a half a day, an hour or two with the kids will be enough. Kids do understand and making them feel they're wanted and given attention even in small or limited time, they'll appreciate it. A lminutes to take a look at their finished art work is enough to make them know, you're trying as hard as you can to give them time.

Son't Make it Big. Sometimes as we feel guilty about giving our kids much time as we could, we tend  lessen the guilt by giving lavish rewards or gifts as if paying back what we have missed. Don't make your child feel you're paying back but do make them feel that you're trying hard to give them time and attention. A simple hug or  good night kiss is enough to make them feel you're there and not forgetting.

Parents are in control of the relationship in the family. You choose the kind of control you take in. Remember that all needs such as food, clothes, shelter are provided naturally but the love and attention is given out of choice. Kids will do even wanting with basic needs but they will not survuve without the love and attention of their parents. As the parents, you opt to gove them to your kids or else you are not entitle to be one.

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What if your kid is the bully?

Make your kid feels he's wanted and not rejected

One of the problems that confront parents is when our kids are bullied in school. We immediately react and do every possible thing to stop these bullying acts.  With many available helps, parents have ideas of how to avoid and resolve this problem. But what if your kid is the bully himself? Here are some tips on how you can stop your kid from bullying other kids.

1.      

tT    Talk to your kid- there must be some problems with your kids. Have a heart-to heart talk with him and assess what’s wrong in his behavior.  Ask why he is doing it and what makes him do it. There may be some underlying factors why he is such a bully.

2.     

  Fi    Find solution with him- If your kid has open up with you, try to solve the problem together. Lay down suggestions and make him feel that you are on his side and not you’re not persecuting him but clearly point out that his act is inappropriate and must be stopped.

3.    

D          Divert his energies into something productive and worthwhile- Most bully kids are very active kids. Try to divert his energies and attention to some hobbies that will make him more productive and creative.  One known bully in school after being introduced to sports became the most discipline and friendliest kid in the campus. Make your bully kid feel that he is needed and loved and not prosecuted and discriminated.

4.   

       Avoid creating a tag of him- Even a bully won’t want to be tag as one. Avoid this tagging or labeling notion. Make him see he is capable of changing for the better and there’s always a room for him in the community and school. Make him feel he's wanted, needed ,loved and not rejected.

5.  

        Ask help- If your kid needs help, don’t hesitate to consult professional help. You can ask teachers and school authorities for assessing and counseling.  But make sure that your kid is not put in any compromising or humiliating conditions as this will make the problem worse.  Get his permission and explain to him why there’s a need for him to subject himself to counseling.  Give him the feel that his opinion is needed  and is given importance in solving the issue.

There’s always wrong perception about bully kids but if given the right attention and counseling, these bully kids could turn to be the most productive and successful kids in the future. What they need is understanding and enough tender loving care from people close and around him.

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Kasambahy Bill which is now on its third and final reading at Philippine Senate aims to increase he monthly salary of house helps. This is a very commendable  act as house-helps in the Philippines is more than a show off or a status symbol.

It is common for many middle class family to employ house-helps especially when both prents are working. Most of the household chores are delegated to house-help and most of the time includes baby sitting or actually taking care of the kids.

On this case parents should set rules and limitations of delegating the task of taking care of the kids. If possible , house-help must not share a room with your kids for security reasons.Write down what she must do and explain  what she must do in cases of emergencies. Never allow any house help to go out alone with the kids unless you tell her so. Make a lists of the task she can do in taking care of your kids like bathing and feeding. If possible set a bathing session with your kids during your free time to set as your bonding moments. This will ensure that the kids will not heavily depend on house helps. Make sure your kids understand what house-helps roles inside your family. Make it clear to them that house-helps are there to take care of the house and the kids while you are away. make the kids respect them as extended and adopted members of the family. Teach them  to treat them respectfully and accordingly. Remember that house-helps may come and go and to avoid kids suffering the pain of loss, you should try to make it clear to your kids that you are still their mother who loves them and only allow some help in taking care of them while you are outside the house.

House-helps are new a necessity when  both parents have to work. Giving them some importance is a kind deed as they take some of the burden off our shoulder. If we treat them well, they will give back the kind of service we deserve and they can be our best help in rearing good and obedient kids.

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Social Network crimes

You can read them on newspapers, see and watch on TV and radio, social network crimes are now getting the headlines.

Facebooks, myspace 5, twitter and friendster are only few of the many social networks that offer virtual friendship and let their users connect to different people around the world. With technology, distance is not a problem anymore. Anywhere in the world, one can communicate easily and send thoughts, ideas across , personal , business or official with just some clicks at the computer's mouse. This is the reason why more and more people are getting hooked in these social networks and our children are among these.
There's nothing bad with these social networks since it is part of  progress and developments. Progress and developments have no intentions to destroy but failure to cope positively with them can bring about many disastrous things not only on properties but also in people's live, directly and indirectly.

There are a lot of crimes now involving the use of these socail networks such as facebook, twitter, etc and most of the victims are young girls and boys who are naive and disoriented with the proper guidance of the use of these social networks. It is now the role of the parents to take actions to protect their children with these crimes involving the net. Parents should personally take considerate actions to guide and orient their children with the proper use of these social networks. They can do this if they, themselves are computer literate  and are well-oriented with these social networks.

Unfortunately, most parents themselves fall prey to these net crimes and became victims themselves. It is now the government duty to step in and make laws that will protect and give proper guidance with the use of these social networks. With new laws and implementing these laws will not only save people's lives but also make them, become more responsible cyber community member

The government must act now and fast. Progress and development could not wait long.

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Genetic Counseling- A new trend in becoming a Parent

If a couple wants to have children,  before the pregnancy , it is best for them to have genetic counseling. What is Genetic Counseling and why it is needed to have a normal and healthy children?

Genetic counseling is done by genetic counselors who take the genetic history of the family. Questions are ask for history of retardation, history of miscarriages, a child with birth defects, other diseases or problems or anyone with severe learning problems. A family tree will be drawn ,starting with the couples, their parents,brothers. sisters,nieces,nephews,aunts,uncles, first cousins and if possible, the grandparents. This is to draw out possibiities of any suspected genetic problem. When the woman is suspected pregnant, a prenatal test of the fetus is recommended. If all test results are nergative,it can alliviates anxiety and when  a serious defect is found, arrangement for delivery and treatment by appropriate trained specialist can benifits the child.

Hundreds of genetic diseases can now be detected prenatally but in some cases,genetic counseling can have limitations as some genetic diseases can not be diagnosed prenatally unless there is a reason to look for them. Genetic counseling mainly lies on the premise of knowing what to look for.

 Who can benefit from genetic counseling?

• Parents who can have a child with a defect
• Couples who have three or more miscarriages
• Parents with a genetic disease or a history of a genetic disease
• Parents from an ethnic group with high risk for certain genetic disease
• a pregnant woman whose sonogram shows a possibility of fetal abnormality

Genetic counseling is better done before pregnancy and the earlier the couple decides about this is best.  DNA test for genetic diseases requires blood sampling taken from parents and siblings. It is best to be cleared and throw anxiety out.

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Advises for Parents

We are parents and most of the time has confusions on how to really become a good parent to our kids. I would like to share this great advises I have learned from the old and wiser parents I have encounter during my course of travel. I  am  breaking down these advises into parts and hope many would find insights in these wise advises from ‘real parents”

Love your kid unconditionally. This is the first “commandment I received from an old but wise parent. Loving our children without laying any conditions is the basic principle a parent must have to become a good parent. No conditions, no if‘s just plain love and everything will follow.

Discipline your kid. If you must punish them for instilling discipline, then do it but do not use your hands. Use other thing like a belt, slipper or folder newspapers and a few slaps on the buttock will not hurt them much but sure to instill discipline and to show you mean what you say. Use your hands not for beating but for touching them with caress as you explain why they have to be punished for a wrong done.

Do the punishing in private and don’t let your child suffer in public or with other people around. Respect their privacy and they will respect your for respecting their privacy, too.

Do not let your kids do thing they do not like at all. Many parents make their children do things for their own pleasure even if their kids don’t really want to do them. Kids would do things as they are told but they will have quilt feelings when they do not deliver what is expected from them. This would give them silent trauma and worse may result to emotional or psychological problems.

Do not make comparison. Do not make the mistakes of comparing your kids with other people. Remember they have their own identity and make them feel they are loved for what and who they are.

More in next post.

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Kids and School Allowance

The school is soon to open and every parent who has school children will be busy attending to their kids’ school tuition, school supplies, books and school dresses. But these are not the only thing that parents must be prepared of when the school opens in June. The biggest expense aside from the tuition is of course the daily school allowance.

 

With the prices all going up, it is not impossible that your kids would ask for an increase in their allowance. Of course the initial reaction from parents will be, “no, there will be no increase”.  This will lead to unending whining and fights.

When your kid asks for an increase in allowance, try to negotiate instead of declaring it is the most remote thing to happen.  Sit down and talk and ask why he/she needs an increase. Try to understand what your kid wants the allowance for. After hearing his/her sides, try to talk of what other ways may be available than having an increase. Then clearly tell them your reasons why you might not be able to give in. Make no excuse but only the real reason such as high home mortgage, less take home pay and high interest in existing loan like cars, tuition and home repairs.

After finding that there’s really a need fro an increase, deciding how much to give, ask your kid for a written budget detailing expenses for the coming months. Take this into consideration and along side with your own budget, decide how much allowance is affordable. If ever your kid comes short of his/her allowance, sit down and discuss how and where the money is going. Try to talk him/her into spending the money wisely and give ways of how he/she can save. It is important to let your kid know and learn ways of “expanding the resource pie’ like getting a part time job during off school days.

When your kid knows that you understand his/her needs and you are trying hard to help him/her cope up with a meager allowance, she/he may voluntarily not ask for an increase but instead get other ways that may help him/her survives this hard -up times. It is parent’s duty to let children be part of budget-making and teaching them how to live within a budget temporary or for a long time will make them understand better about handling money in the future.

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